You’ve probably heard that Kyle Orton has been named the starting quarterback for week 5 against the Detroit Lions. You’ve probably read all the stories about why it’s a good or bad move, why he will fail, why this is the worst thing for EJ Manuel or how Marrone should be fired… This has nothing to do with that.
Kyle Orton loves getting hammered. He is basically awesome for it and loves to get so drunk that he would definitely be my friend in real life. If Kyle Orton wasn’t making millions of dollars to be a football player he would probably write for this website because he has the same drinking habits as Kriger and myself.
Orton also has this gimmick where he refuses to look presentable but then goes out and dances with chicks when he’s hammered because he has a lot of money and can do whatever he wants. This is a hilarious gimmick because he refuses to shave or wear anything but a t-shirt, but since he has money he can do whatever the hell he wants.
He also just doesn’t care about how hammered he gets in public, which is awesome. He just buys bottles for himself and dances wearing his ridiculous clothes and doesn’t care. I wish him and I followed each other on Twitter. I’ve never met him but I’m pretty sure he is the type of guy that if I ask him to be the best man in my wedding he would just accept having never met me, then he’d throw me a sweet bachelor party where he just got hammered and wore a weird t-shirt and just danced in the middle of the bar holding a bottle.
What is awesome about Kyle Orton even being in Buffalo is that he just does the same thing the fans do. We are the absolute gems of the world with our drinking habits and love for the game of football, which begs the question: Who better than Orton to lead this team to the promise land? The guy I want under center is the guy who actually wants to be out with the fans tailgating. He would do so many funnels, it would be so sweet.