All I’ve heard this pre-season is “we should’ve brought in a veteran QB” or “we should have drafted another QB”. Listen everybody, I agree that you should always include a Plan B to your own Plan B… But who the did you want??
Let’s go through the list of QBs who hit the market this offseason:
MADDEN COVERBOY Vince Young – Been there, done that, no thanks.
Kyle Orton – The one QB bad enough to make Tebow look like a rising star.
Josh Freeman – Greg Schiano’s pet project. Basically, another team’s Trent Edwards.
Speaking of Trent Edwards, Trent Edwards! – Captain Checkdown himself. Made Fitzy look godlike by comparison. Couldn’t get the ball past the line of scrimmage. Possibly the worst starting QB in Bills history… AND HE HAD TERRELL OWENS!
Tyler Thigpen – If you thought Trent had a noodle-arm, oh boy check this guy out. Probably the weakest throwing-arm in the entire league.
Brady Quinn – I hear he’s looking to break Jeff Garcia’s streak of “Most Jerseys” in his closet. He’s worn 7 jerseys in 7 years. We could of made it 8!
Jamarcus Russell’s Comeback Train: When Russell was taken as the first overall pick back in 2007, he was viewed by many as the biggest draft bust in NFL history. After his feelings were hurt and thrown into the black hole, he went into a deep depression inside the cookie jar and was never heard from again… UNTIL NOW!!!! The guy the NFL wanted to make you forget about 7 years ago is back for REVENGE! What team is dumb enough to fall for it again?!
Kevin Kolb – Probably would have been a good idea to keep him, that is if he could have actually played. However, we would’ve had to burn all gym mats in the vicinity. Also, keep him away from your boat keys.
Super Bowl Champion, Tarvaris Jackson: I know he didn’t hit the market this offseason, but here’s another guy we probably should’ve held onto. I hear he’s still learning the playbook though…
Matt Schaub – Probably the best backup QB in the league to have a starting job. Schaub showed us the Madden “Cold-Streak” actually exists in real life and carries on week-to-week. This guy made one of the most casual fanbases in the NFL want to burn his jerseys and effigies in the parking lot.
Rex Grossman – Yes, Rex Grossman is still a thing. Not many QBs can lead their team to a Super Bowl & get shit-canned the very next year.
Ryan FitzMagic – Been there, done that…. “But he’s such a nice guy! Look at his fuzzy beard! He went to Harvard, you know!”… Alright, alright. How he’s risen to the starting lineup on 5 different teams is beyond me. In a way though, Fitzy represented this team like no other. “It’s the 4th Quarter, Down by 3… First down Fitzy… First Down Fitzy… FIRST DOWN FITZY!!… In the Red Zone looking for… and it’s Intercepted! have a safe trip home everyone”.
Matt Leinart – Arizona’s JP Losman… But hey, who wants another Heisman NFL Bust?! *COUGH* MANZIEL *COUGH*
Michael Vick – …Because the best way to push your young, injury-prone, erratic, inaccurate QB is to bring in an old, injury-prone, erratic and inaccurate QB. We’re not the Jets.
Timmy Tebow – Stop. Just Stop.
Brett Favre! – If he does decide to come out of retirement for the 12th time, let’s try and bring in this young upstart. Hey Brett, I know you’re busy sending pics to strangers & wearing wrangler jeans but could you come back please? Show EJ how it’s done, plus you can get another ESPN live sob special on your eventual retirement! I know you’re getting close to that 6th year off, your HOF induction, but once you go in, pull a Joe Gibbs and become the first active Hall of Fame QB in the league!
So those were your options from this offseason ladies and gentlemen. Who from that list would you say is an upgrade over EJ? Who from that list is an upgrade over Jeffery or Thaddeus? What great veteran QB could come in and share their experiences and would actually benefit the new guys? If you’re a free agent QB right now there’s obviously a reason for that. Everyone just calm down, sit back, relax and try to enjoy the EJ Manuel show for right now. This experiment just may work, or it might not. If it doesn’t, who says we can’t trade up into the first round for some crab legs and ruin the following year’s draft? The horse we’re riding right now has a busted ankle. Are you going to kick at it until it breaks the rest of the way or are you going to wait for it to heal and see if it can reach its full potential? Plus, we have Dennis Dixon… Just saying.