If you missed the last Mayhem Monday on BuffaloBruises.com, check it out here!
Practice was getting tough and since Kiko was still pretending to have a torn ACL while he does jobs for the FBI, I decided to go visit him at his mom’s house. We decided to dig an in-ground pool in his mom’s backyard. He grabbed a shovel and I grabbed my main hoe and we started digging away. We were having a nice conversation about which of the chicks we wanted to take to prom at the end of they year when all of a sudden we hit something. We noticed it was a block of ice that had a prehistoric caveman trapped inside!
We took the block of ice into the garage and put a bunch of space heaters around it then we went to school. We both got in fights and got sent home, so we hid in Kiko’s basement and played Guitar Hero: World Tour until we heard some noises upstairs. We went upstairs and Mike Williams was eating all of Kiko’s mom’s food. He was excited to see us and he told us how he was in Denmark and met this Ice Queen and she was evil for a little bit and she froze him, so he got stuck in the ground. He said that the adverse weather conditions of Western New York were caused by all of this, so that’s why it was 58 degrees this morning and it’s still Summer. We decided to take out our toboggan and go find some hills. We found a sweet spot and a snowman named Olaf came out of nowhere and started singing some sweet songs, which I joined right in with. We sang “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by GNR and then the deranged snowman left. Kiko took out his iPhone 7 and texted Tim Graham because this was a real story that seemed like the fiction that he usually wrote about, so we thought maybe he would want to try writing a story that was real.
Instead of writing stories Tim was busy watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the movie theater. He was making up tweets saying he was doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, but he didn’t know he had to actually do it because he’s so used to writing fake stories and just pretending they are real. Mike Williams grabbed a bunch of snow outside and filled it up in a garbage can and walked up to the balcony. Tim Graham was watching the movie in 2D because he’s totally lame, but he wrote on twitter that he was seeing it in 3D because he is a pathological liar. From atop the balcony Mike Williams poured the ice water onto Tim Graham and his stupid face and Tim started crying and demanded that we pay for his dry cleaning. Instead, Kiko took his car keys and dipped them in a urinal then gave them back to Tim so he had to touch old pee.
Mike Williams and I decided that we needed to go back to practice and Kiko was paged to go on assignment in Russia. I miss my best friend everyday but knowing that he is defending my honor overseas makes me happy. He got into his invisible jet and flew away, but the jet made a sweet rainbow across the sky like the space ship in E.T. We got into our RV and watched Hook in honor of Robin Williams, Mike’s uncle.