***Editor’s note: when we received this article by Mario we decided that it would be best to publish it completely unedited to show just how drunk and pissed off he appeared. Kudo’s Mario!!! we applaud your work!***
You know what really burns my piss: Tim Tebow. I mean seriously, do we have to really sit through another season of this shit? We just rid of ourselves of Johnny Rehab, and now, because of Chip Kelly, we have to hear talks of the “Return of Tebow”. Chip Kelly, your smokescreen of how badly you would like to caress Mariota on the plane trips to away games isn’t going to work. Everyone knows that you want him in the worst way, so a way to camouflage that fact, you are going to trot Tim Tebow out there? I am right handed, and I throw the ball better lefty than Tebow.
And a special message to you as well, Mr. Tebow and that is stop with this façade that you want to be a quarterback in the NFL. You want to be a quarterback? That’s awesome. So do I. But, I didn’t need Chris Leak to win me a National Title, or did I have to be surrounded by a Riley Cooper and Aaron Hernandez down in Gainesville to do it either. I was a quarterback who knew my place; I wasn’t going to play professionally as a quarterback in the NFL. Maybe, if you switched to TE or H-Back, you might have a shot. You are a 6’3” 245 pound monster, who throws a football like a 15-year-old virgin female cellist. The only difference is gender, age and an instrument.
Stop with this shit now, before I have Ryan Leaf and Brady Quinn do a double team on you to set your straight.