Ok, so yesterday it was announced that the Buffalo Bills teamed up with 100% Natural Beverages and have branded their own bottled water. The reaction? Ridiculous! In a place where us Bills fans have recently become famous for being the drunkest in the entire league, our team endorses the healthiest and most vital liquid known to man and everybody has something shitty to say about it. What is wrong with Buffalo Bills water?! You’re all a bunch of assholes. Lets not forget that the proceeds go to Hunters Hope and that alone is probably worth more than anything else you are doing with your life right now.
Forget about the social media reactions recently featured on Buffalo Rumblings, this whole thing actually compelled Buffalo Sportz writer Butch ‘Ski’ Dartwood to write a full feature article about it while insinuating that by drinking this water you could actually be drinking cleaned up mud water. The title itself “To drink or not drink the Bills water” is just atrocious to me as I read it, but even worse is the first line in the piece. Without a second thought his witty line of being “more scared than a fly near a swatter.” seems plausible, until you realize that flies are stupid and you can swat at them a thousand times, nearly smashing them to death with each whack, and those dumb will fly right back to you and try to land on you face without a second thought. I think the real line Butch should of wrote is “more stupid than a fly near a swatter.”
This asshole then compares Buffalo Bills water (water bottled by a reputable company) to Rocky Mountain Oysters, which are NOT oysters, they are Bull testicles that people eat. Seriously? What the hell did the Buffalo Bills do to you Butch that you hate the notion of them endorsing bottled water? I would expect this reaction if the team started selling Gushers filled with Buffalo semen, but we are talking about the cleanest possible thing the team could endorse and this guy wants us to hold back with caution. He wants you to picture eating sex organs while you drink your water and that just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Perhaps the best part is when Butch confesses to us that he did absolutely no research on what he is writing about. Research? No need to do research when it comes to attacking the Buffalo Bills, right? Even his attempt at turning it all around and not completely pissing off Bills fans by saying it could be the “magic potion that has our Bills looking at a 3-1 record” is weak. Like this bottled water could possibly be some weird magic potion instead of being just regular old BOTTLED WATER!!!! This was a completely unnecessary article about bottled water just because the Buffalo Bills put their logo on it, and instead of just letting fans enjoy something this guy has to insult it and mock the very thought of it.
I don’t want to seem like a complete asshole to the author Butch Dartford, but you did end your piece with “What do YOU think?” and I think the next time you want to talk about whatever the Buffalo Bills are doing you should get your act together and not be so ignorantly like. If you really want to know what I think, its that you can eat shit, this is for charity and fans of the team.